Thursday, June 28, 2012

O’s Heaping Helpings Of Hypocrisy

Taking a break in Atlanta today from focusing like a laser on jobs (and by that we mean attending two days of back to back campaign fundraisers), President Obama stopped at The Varsity diner for chili dogs.

O’s Heaping Helpings Of Hypocrisy    
     By Asher Embry

As O was gorging on his hot fudge sundae yesterday
(The liberal’s credo sounding: “Not as I do, but as I say!”)
I couldn’t help but think of all the foods we see O totin’
That he and FLOTUS always tell us strictly are verboten.

The ribs, the Shake Shack lunches with the burgers and the fries,
The deep dish pizza, bratwurst, ice cream, sweet potato pies.

FLOTUS scolds that only healthy food should pass our lips.
Nanny Bloomberg tells us soda must be drunk in sips.
They love to say exactly which behaviors best behoove:
Like planting gardens, eating veg, conforming to “Let’s Move!”
How stupid they must think we are, how gullible, how silly,
When now we see O wolfing down a hot dog piled with chili.

But did the crowd, which cheered him at The Varsity today,
Witness if O dined and dashed - or this time did he pay?

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Barack’s 1,000 Press Secretaries

Just how slobbering will the non-Fox media be this election?
We always knew President Obama had 1,000 press secretaries (who pretended to be journalists).  More than half a dozen even officially joined his administration (including Jay Carney, the current titular Press Secretary).
This weekend’s orchestrated trifecta of Bain bashing stories (in
The Washington Post, The New York Times, and The Boston Globe) is just the latest and most obvious display of non-Fox media smooching.  The Obama campaign didn’t even have the decency to try and hide the brazenly coordinated articles, the tweets, video releases and other statements from campaign honchos echoing the newspaper stories, or the adjunct ad from the Obama SuperPAC.
The non-Fox media have not exhibited such coordinated Obama boosterism since…the week before, when
Time ran a sympathetic cover story on young illegal immigrants which, purely coincidentally, immediately preceded Obama’s unilateral immigration policy change.

Barack’s 1,000 Press Secretaries 
     By Asher Embry

We all know Barack has no record to tout.
So his top campaign brass have been flailing about
Seeking ways to distract us, to tear Romney down,
Or they know that Barack will be run out of town.

So they criticized Mitt as too rich, out of touch;
But in light of O’s antics, that didn’t stick much.
(Although Andrea Mitchell still right along played,
By editing (liberally) comments Mitt made.)

Then they went after Ann and attempted to paint
Her as feckless and selfish.  That made her a saint.

So it’s back once again to the Bain & Co. well
Still looking for ways that same story to tell.
They’re flogging that “flaw” which near drives them insane:
Mitt’s success as a business investor at Bain.

Soon they called up their friends at the Times, Post and Globe;
Suggesting the topics reporters should probe.

The Washington Post already’d earned Axe’s thanks
For its big “expose” on Mitt’s decades-old pranks.
Axe knew from experience that no paper slimes
A Republican candidate quite like the Times.
Since the Globe’s predisposed, too, to doing Mitt in;
The campaign could count on that New York Times kin.

And wouldn’t you know it, as if right on cue
The so-called reporters knew just what to do.
These ink-smeared-on-dead-trees, sycophant clowns
Began pushing adjectives, adverbs, and nouns
As best as they could to portray Mitt’s career
As all junk bonds and layoffs which voters should fear.

(Yet, this Mitt-bashing orgy is not as obscene
As the story Axe scheduled in Time magazine
Which ran on the cover and guided the way
To O’s dream-act-light policy-change that same day.)

The only conclusion to draw from this mess:
If you’re looking for news, you still can’t trust the press.

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Doth President Obama now govern by decree?
The one-time Lecturer in Constitutional Law just changed immigration law all on his own.
How easy he has made it for our next President to unilaterally cut the tax rate, repeal the contraceptive mandate, and so much more - by just exercising a little Obama-esque prosecutorial discretion.

By Decree Of His Majesty Barack  

     By Asher Embry

Now O has shown us all the course:
To govern means to not enforce.
November 6th, with his concession,
We’ll show him how we’ll use discretion.

Those income tax cuts which we seek?
We’ll give the DOJ a tweak.
Thenceforth, they’ll ne’re annoy a gent
Who pays just 28 percent.

ObamaCare’s repeal’s a cinch
Just don’t enforce; no pin, no linch.
The Bishops needn’t be verklempt;
No prosecutions - they’re exempt.

No matter that it doesn’t fit
The Constitution’s intricate
And genius plan which guards our nation:
Powers checked through separation.

Although the Congress has the right
To legislate - to lead the fight.
It makes no difference what their views;
O’s offer, Congress can’t refuse.
For him, these kingly rules are fun
(Especially since O's “The One”).

Is that the game O wants to play?
‘Cause that’s what he’s unleashed today!

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC
We expressed great alarm when President Obama was caught privately assuring President Putin that he would have “more flexibility” after our November election.  The gullible Obamites – who a year ago still were calling Bashar al-Assad a “reformer”- ridiculed Mitt Romney for saying that “Russia is not a friendly character on the world stage.”  Vice President Biden (of all people) mocked Romney for being na├»ve and stuck in the 1950’s.
They look even more clueless today.

O’s Clueless Russia Reset  
     By Asher Embry

So now the Russians send Assad their helicopters for
His ruthless, bloody massacre which now is civil war.
And Putin’s launching missiles on ballistic testing flights.
He threatens that he’ll stage attacks on NATO missile sites.
He’s blocking UN sanctions. And he’s doing all he can
To help the mullahs reach their dream of nuclear Iran.

That puerile reset button’s really working like a charm.
We’ve given fits to Czechs and Poles; we’ve START-ed to disarm.
It’s harder to enumerate the benefits we’ve gotten.
At haggling, I am sad to say, O’s slightly worse than rotten.

Yet still Obama’s finger’s poised above his reset button.
He’s given Russia all they want – for which we’ve gotten nuttin’.
So once again we’re Putin’s toy; it’s really getting old.
To Putin, O’s an easy mark who’s always being rolled.

Vlad’s fleecing us already; vote Obama and we’ll see
How Putin fully screws us with O’s “flexibility!”

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC
With all the problems in the world, including clear and present danger to our national security and our troubled economy, President Obama is spending a second day with the focus of his schedule (besides fundraising): protecting Debbie Bosanek, Warren Buffett’s suffering secretary.

Our Greatest Threat?
     By Asher Embry

Assad keeps killing innocent civilians in the street.
The mullahs' quest to kill with nukes is virtually complete.
We can’t tell who’s our enemy on Afghan’s battlefront.
And Kim Jung Un’s about to launch his latest macho stunt.
At home the price of gas is soaring, so’s our healthcare cost.
We’re nowhere near replacing all the jobs Obama's lost.

Yet O has taken most his waking hours for two days
To shield us from our greatest threat: that Warren Buffett pays
A lower rate of federal tax than does his secretary.
(Forgive us if we think Plouffe’s plan’s just: be diversionary.)

Our enemies are nuts with nukes, but no need for alarm;
Obama’s raising taxes on the rich – we’re safe from harm.

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC
Any chance that the election campaign could have something to do with President Obama’s newfound hankering for lunch with Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu and his unprecedentedly self-serving, defensive, and political speech to AIPAC - replete with feigned threats on Iran not heard since the last election?

Bibi’s Lunch
     By Asher Embry

Election time is magical; I think I have a hunch
Why O’s now threatening Tehran and serving Bibi lunch.

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC
President Obama has time to apologize to Sandra Fluke, the deprived Georgetown University Law School student.  Apparently, though, no time for tornado victims, grieving families of soldiers murdered in Afghanistan, the Syrian opposition, stopping Iran’s nuclear ambitions, protecting Israel, authorizing Keystone, reducing spending and the $16T debt?

Phoning Fluke  
     By Asher Embry

Our heartland towns were ripped to shred;
The homes demolished, dozens dead.

The Muslim World is more aflame.
Iran still plays its doomsday game.
In Homs, the death toll surges higher.
The Afghan situation’s dire.

And higher still the gas price goes;
So, too, the debt the U.S. owes.

Yet, nonetheless, Obama took
The time to ring up Sandra Fluke
To urge she wage her noble fight
Forever to enshrine the right
To study law and fornicate
Wherever she’d matriculate
(With contraceptives free of cost
No matter other freedoms lost).

It’s comforting Obama sees
His critical priorities.

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC