Monday, February 27, 2012

Maher & Friess

Now that Bill Maher is a $1M donor to the Obama SuperPAC, surely the President will be held accountable for all Maher’s repulsive “jokes” in the same way Rick Santorum was pilloried by the media for Foster Friess’, right?

Maher & Friess
By Asher Embry

I never will repeat the words that leave Bill Maher’s lips;
But surely we agree Barack now owns those putrid quips.
If not (and don’t expect it), it would clearly seem to be
Another in the endless line of Press hypocrisy.
Not saying we should punish people for the things they say,
But dream the Press will fairly treat Conservatives one day.

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Friday, February 3, 2012

My New Obama Mortgage

President Obama just announced yet another homeowner bailout. He insists his "simple" plan – which puts taxpayers on the hook for banks which are forced to lend more money than a house is worth – poses no risk to the rest of us. Wasn't this exactly the type of reckless and unjustified expansion of government – in effect, forcing us all to take on second mortgages to pay for our neighbors' homes – which kindled the Tea Party movement in the first place?

My New Obama Mortgage
By Asher Embry

So yet again I'm asked to pay my neighbor's mortgage bill.
The reflex creeping up my leg feels nothing like a thrill.
O says it's really simple; since the banks, he'll make them pay.
But me, I've seen that farce before; it costs me either way.

I searched the Constitution since a document so great
Surely guarantees us all a lower mortgage rate.
But no such thing; a fact confirming what we always knew:
Barack consults a different Constitution than we do.

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Obama's Rats and Child Cruelty

Death, rape, drug overdoses, lice, and other public safety and health emergencies shut down "Occupy" encampments all over the country. Yet in Washington, the Obama administration (which controls the federal land seized by the DC Occupiers) continues to be unmoved -- and so are the residents of the Occupy shantytowns at McPherson Square and Freedom Plaza.

Will child cruelty and rat infestation change that?

Obama's Rats and Child Cruelty
By Asher Embry

To that "Occupy" father, we just have to vent:
Did Alinsky instruct you to leave in your tent
Your infant alone in the cold and the rain
To be gnawed on by rats? Are you *bleeping* insane!

To Obama: It's time that you shut these sites down;
We have suffered enough from this blight on our town.

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Senate Secret Santas

Sen. Al Franken came up with the idea to start a Secret Santa gift exchange among Senators (though his enduring gift to conservatives continues to be his utter ineffectiveness as a legislator).

We uncover some of the actual gifts which heretofore remained unreported.

Senate Secret Santas
By Asher Embry

Boxer got a ringtone which (with deference) calls her "Ma'am!"
Barbara M. a spa day to enhance her outer glam.
For Stabenow: a way to track a spouse with GPS.
Did Rockefeller get his wish to silence cable press?

Casey got a puzzle but he doesn't have a clue.
Kohl can buy at wholesale, so we skipped him - wouldn't you?
Sanders got his wish to overturn one SCOTUS case.
Schumer got the horse's end that doesn't have a face.

Claire McCaskill got an App to book commercial flights.
Whitehouse got a "Holiday" tree, pre-strung with "Holiday" lights.
Guess who scored 5 bucks a month for life (the "Durbin" fee)?
Kerry's yacht found moorings safe from tax and from the sea.

Did Jim Webb give Dick Blumenthal the Purple Hearts he'd won?
And also make arrangements that Joe Manchin get his gun?
Coons can now unleash his beard to radically grow.
Baucus -- nomination rules which every spouse should know.

Levin -- easy -- membership in Sy's Hair Club for Men.
The Huskers got their Kickback once, now Ben can try again.
And Harry Reid again will hear, despite the harm he's done,
That hopeful prayer from Tiny Tim: "God bless us, every one."

Though playing Secret Santa gives the Senators a thrill,
We know that in the end it's always us who'll foot the bill.

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Obama Drones

When asked today about the U.S. drone reportedly lost to Iran, President Obama indicated that "we have asked for it back. We'll see how the Iranians respond." When previously asked about his foreign policy "appeasement," a surly Obama said: "Ask Osama bin Laden." But it's clear the Mullah's know appeasement when they see it.

Obama Drones
By Asher Embry

As everyone but O has known
Iran will not return our drone.
Although O asked them: pretty please
(Which nearly brought them to their knees)
They'll think a nanosec. or so
And then Iran will answer: No!

For Ahmadinejad has seen
How pliant O has always been;
How easily that he's been had
By Medvedev and Hu and Vlad.

O really only wants to fight
With those of us here on the right.

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC