Barack’s 1,000 Press Secretaries

Just how slobbering will the non-Fox media be this election?
We always knew President Obama had 1,000 press secretaries (who pretended to be journalists).  More than half a dozen even officially joined his administration (including Jay Carney, the current titular Press Secretary).
This weekend’s orchestrated trifecta of Bain bashing stories (in The Washington Post, The New York Times, and The Boston Globe) is just the latest and most obvious display of non-Fox media smooching.  The Obama campaign didn’t even have the decency to try and hide the brazenly coordinated articles, the tweets, video releases and other statements from campaign honchos echoing the newspaper stories, or the adjunct ad from the Obama SuperPAC.
The non-Fox media have not exhibited such coordinated Obama boosterism since…the week before, when Time ran a sympathetic cover story on young illegal immigrants which, purely coincidentally, immediately preceded Obama’s unilateral immigration policy change.

Barack’s 1,000 Press Secretaries    
     By Asher Embry

We all know Barack has no record to tout.
So his top campaign brass have been flailing about
Seeking ways to distract us, to tear Romney down,
Or they know that Barack will be run out of town.

So they criticized Mitt as too rich, out of touch;
But in light of O’s antics, that didn’t stick much.
(Although Andrea Mitchell still right along played,
By editing (liberally) comments Mitt made.)

Then they went after Ann and attempted to paint
Her as feckless and selfish.  That made her a saint.

So it’s back once again to the Bain & Co. well
Still looking for ways that same story to tell.
They’re flogging that “flaw” which near drives them insane:
Mitt’s success as a business investor at Bain.

Soon they called up their friends at the Times, Post and Globe;
Suggesting the topics reporters should probe.

The Washington Post already’d earned Axe’s thanks
For its big “expose” on Mitt’s decades-old pranks.
Axe knew from experience that no paper slimes
A Republican candidate quite like the Times.
Since the Globe’s predisposed, too, to doing Mitt in;
The campaign could count on that New York Times kin.

And wouldn’t you know it, as if right on cue
The so-called reporters knew just what to do.
These ink-smeared-on-dead-trees, sycophant clowns
Began pushing adjectives, adverbs, and nouns
As best as they could to portray Mitt’s career
As all junk bonds and layoffs which voters should fear.

(Yet, this Mitt-bashing orgy is not as obscene
As the story Axe scheduled in Time magazine
Which ran on the cover and guided the way
To O’s dream-act-light policy-change that same day.)

The only conclusion to draw from this mess:
If you’re looking for news, you still can’t trust the press.

Copyright 2012 Gaffe Czar, LLC