Friday, December 9, 2011

The Marriage of Newt and Trump

So it'll just be Newt and Rick Santorum with The Donald on December 27th. We know we shouldn't be mocking Newt; but when he pairs himself up with Trump, the rhyme just writes itself.

The Marriage of Newt and Trump
By Asher Embry

One by one the candidates fell, declining The Donald's call;
Romney and Perry, and Bachmann too, following Huntsman and Paul.
And though Rick Santorum's accepted, he hardly stands a chance
To muscle a word in edgewise while two mammoth egos prance.

Newt and Trump, Trump and Newt -- a marriage that's made in heaven.
(Actually, to be precise, between them it's almost seven.)
The two of them preening together, devoid of humility,
The obvious subject for Newt and Trump is: "Me, Me, Me."

But add Obama to the debate and this narcissist meeting's complete:
For thin-skinned vainglory, O is the champ - those others can't even compete!

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Obama's Muse

Doris Kearns Goodwin used her recent stint on NBC to give more of her ongoing political advice to President Obama: to use Teddy Roosevelt (the subject of her current book) as the model for Obama's reelection campaign themes. On cue, the White House announced an Obama visit to Osawatomie, Kansas where Obama's faux-TR speech presumably will mimic the 1910 "New Nationalism" address given there. It's now frighteningly clear that the LBJ-intimate-plagiarizing-bookseller from Massachusetts is the true power behind the Obama throne.

Obama's Muse
By Asher Embry

What Doris says, Obama does; it's obvious to see.
It's true once more: now O will speak in Osawatomie.
That trip, it sounded weird to us - for, sadly, we confess,
We hadn't heard what Doris said last week on Meet the Press.
Barack should mimic Teddy R exactly, she advised.
(We hope, of course, that's not advice that Doris plagiarized.)

First time she cast a spell on O was when she had a dream;
Referring to her Lincoln book, where rivals formed a team.
Obama bit, the now legit Kearns Goodwin sealed her fate --
Barack appointed Hillary the stewardess of State.

Since then, O's played at Lincoln, Truman, Kennedy already.
At first he played at FDR, and now fifth cousin Teddy.

While Doris plies her schoolgirl crush, the thing that's more absurd
Is how Obama's White House hangs upon her every word.
The White House might deny it but the facts they don't belie
When Doris utters "jump" -- it's clear Obama says: "how high."

Before you go to sleep tonight, repeat your prayers twice
That Doris doesn't start dispensing policy advice.

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC