Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Barney’s Vice

Barney Frank retires. So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Adieu.

Barney’s Vice
By Asher Embry

There once was a Member named Frank
Who almost destroyed every bank.
Was his wont to inveigh.
Fought to shield Fannie Mae.
In fact, all of his policies stank.

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Spitzer Occupies

After failing as Governor and CNN host, has Eliot Spitzer -- the self-proclaimed "Sheriff of Wall Street" -- finally found a job for which he is unwittingly qualified?

Spitzer and the Occupy Wall Street crowd seem to have a lot in common: they are undisciplined, attention-hogging, spoiled elitists with too much free time on their hands who seemingly always are on the prowl for opportunistic sex with partners who apparently aren't looking for long-term monogamous relationships.

Spitzer Occupies
By Asher Embry

He read that Occupiers leave their condoms strewn around.
It's really not surprising, then, that Eliot Spitzer found
The newest cause to which he'll give his "massive intellect"
(And hopefully it soon becomes another thing he's wrecked).

So Client-9 will lead the movement once they figure out
What -- besides the drugs and sex -- the whole damn thing's about.

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Pointing Fingers

Surprise, surprise. No Supercommittee deal. And the Democrats know just who to blame.

Pointing Fingers
By Asher Embry

We’re 15 Trillion bucks in debt
And Democrats won’t even let
300 Mil. be cut a day.
It’s Grover Norquist’s fault, they say.

There’s finger pointing all around.
The middle finger’s best, I’ve found.

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Reading Holder

Attorney General Holder told Congress he doesn't read his memos -- rather he leaves that task to his staff. Now Holder's former chief of staff, Kevin Ohlson, who seeks confirmation to the Armed Forces Court of Appeals, says he didn't read memos either.

Just what does it take to get the Obama Justice Department to read?

Reading Holder
By Asher Embry

With all those legal briefs and such
He worried that he reads too much.
It started quite a while ago.
He found that reading's much too slow.

So legal "research" starts and ends
With soft entreaties from his friends.
He did no reading, not a stitch,
Yet pushed to pardon crook Marc Rich.

I did not know -- that was his vow
To Congress then as Congress now.
My staff, not I, get in the weeds
And so I'm ignorant -- he pleads.
(Staff now admit they, too, don't read;
They choose to follow Holder's lead.)

So Eric Holder's made a stand
As highest lawyer in the land:
He'll let no memos cloud his eyes;
Too bad if Agent Terry dies.

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Obama, Unprompted?

As if President Obama didn't have enough problems with the Debt crisis, the Middle East crisis, the Energy crisis, and the Easter proclamation crisis, "Hub" Schlafly, inventor of the TelePrompTer, has died at 91.

Obama, Unprompted?
By Asher Embry

At half-mast, White House flags will be;
O mourns his idol, "Hub" Schlafly.
Invented TelePrompTer box;
The irony: he worked for Fox.

Copyright 2011 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Clearly Hard-Wired

"And so part of the reason that our politics seems so tough right now, and facts and science and argument does not seem to be winning the day all the time, is because we're hard-wired not to always think clearly when we're scared."
-- Barack Obama, October 16th Democrat fundraiser

Clearly Hard-Wired
By Asher Embry

O says our thinking's just not clear: We're scared, our wiring's wrong.
His view: it's not his policies which make tea parties strong.
He thinks we just can't comprehend; remember, we're the ones
O views as silly, bitter hicks who cling to God and guns.

We've tried to disabuse him but he always does presume
That he, and no one else, must be the smartest in the room.
On that he's quite delusional, oblivious; it's grim --
O's always being rolled by Ahmadinejad and Kim.

But still he presses onward with his fundamental change,
Dismissing our objections as irrational derange.
It's simply inconceivable that we could disagree.
There's no one left for him to blame except for you and me.

We noticed all the people who he's thrown beneath the bus;
And knew it wouldn't take much time before he'd get to us.

Copyright 2010 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Not Well Endowed

President Obama rewrote the Declaration of Independence last week in a speech before the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, wiping out our Creator who endowed us with our unalienable rights. (Obama: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal [4-second pause], endowed with certain unalienable rights...") To whom, then, did the Obamas pray on their unusual trip to church on Sunday?

Not Well Endowed
By Asher Embry

To all, it's now self-evident
What kind of man's our President.

He said that he was one of us;
Went on to mock us for the fuss
We made about his Reverend's views
Which "hadn't reached" Obama's pews.
The reason that he didn't hear?
Quite clearly: O was never there.

We knew that O would hardly pause
Rewriting all our country's laws.
His ideology annuls
Our Constitution's principles.
And now, with ne're a hesitation,
O's changed our nation's Declaration.
(That Jefferson's not up to snuff --
With trite ideas and prose that's rough!)

He thinks those dreams his Daddy dreamt
Still make Americans verklempt.
But no. O's future's looking grim;
Now all can see what's really him.

Copyright 2010 Gaffe Czar, LLC