Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Obama “Does Us All Good”

Rationalizing the President’s four hour golf game last Saturday, Deputy Press Secretary Bill Burton said “I don’t think that there is a person in this country that doesn’t think that their president ought to have a little time to clear his mind.” With tongue nowhere near his cheek, Burton offered the official White House pronouncement that Obama hitting the links “does us all good as American citizens.”

Obama “Does Us All Good”

By Asher Embry

It’s now been proclaimed that what “does us all good”
Is just knowing Obama, with iron and wood,
Goes awand’ring ‘round fairway roughs, seeking to find,
(Not just balls that he’s shanked), time for “clear[ing] his mind.”

So O’s spill-cleaning efforts we shouldn’t demean
If the hole that he’s plugging’s atop the 9th green.
Don’t begrudge him the minimal “me-time” he’s got;
Just be thankful it doesn’t take place on a yacht.

Copyright 2010
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Monday, June 21, 2010

Firemen, Teachers, and Cops! Oh My!

Once again, Barack Obama, Jim Clyburn, and fellow Democrats defend their latest round of "stimulus spending" in the extenders legislation by pointing to hundreds of thousands of firefighter, teacher, and police jobs which need to be “saved” from state budget cuts. Do they really expect us to swallow yet again that there is no other spending the states could trim instead?

Firemen, Teachers, and Cops! Oh My!

By Asher Embry

Firemen, teachers, and cops:
Democrats use them as props.
O’s always pretending
(With stimulus spending)
Their imminent layoffs he stops.

Copyright 2010 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Friday, June 11, 2010

A** Kicker-in-Chief

Obama says he needs to talk to “experts” so he “knows whose a** to kick.” We’re no experts on a** kicking, but we are happy to give Barack a list if he really intends to kick some deserving derriere.

A** Kicker-in-Chief
By Asher Embry

If O is really looking for posteriors to kick
We’ve got an ample list of worthy candidates we’d pick.

There’s Sec. Napolitano, for too many flaws to list;
The dolts O duped with Stimulus, especially Charlie Crist.
That mothball, Harry Reid, who called us “evil-mongers” once;
And Alan Grayson for this simple reason: he’s a dunce.

Putin and Medvedev who convinced Obama why
It’s fine if O just trusts them, there’s no need to verify.
Kim, and all his relatives, because they’re clearly nuts;
Alan Grayson (yet again) for being such a putz.

Those who say Tea Party members all hold racist views
(Sadly, that is everyone involved in mainstream news).
That creepy Joe McGinnis who’s a boor, unparalleled
(Not since Humbert Humbert has a writer so repelled).

Congressmen who fear deployed Marines might “capsize” Guam.
Staffers trading votes and jobs, like Valerie and Rahm.
Our "brave" Attorney General who just never gets it right.
Pelosi, ultrapartisan, whose brow is frozen tight.

Anyone who still says: O must clean up Bush’s mess.
Libs who think: if we ask nice, then terrorists confess.
All who seek approval from “the World Community.”
Beatles taking cheap shots at our ex-Prez, 43.

O’s writers who make straw men up each time Obama speaks.
The traitors who provide our secret tapes to WikiLeaks.
House and Senate members who refuse to hold town halls.
Immigration “experts” for not building border walls.

Financial rule “reformers” still excluding Fannie Mae.
“Fiscal hawks” like Blue Dogs who keep spending anyway.
Reuters photo editors who whitewash blood and knives
Pols and stars and golfers who are cheating on their wives.

AARP and AMA, Obama’s favorite shills.
Each Senator and Congressman who hasn’t read the Bills.
Democrats who stood and cheered and took Felipe’s side
(If they’d read 1070 they’d know that Calderon had lied).

Awlaki and bin Laden causing terror, spewing hate;
We hope a backside kick alone will hardly be their fate.
The Mullahs, still intending to construct a fissile bomb,
Who already are planning for a modern-day pogrom.

So many other weasels who we really ought to name;
If ever O kicked all their butts, he’d quickly wind up lame.

Copyright 2010
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Friday, June 4, 2010

Obama’s Slick Helpers

Now that we know President Obama has tried to solve the Gulf Coast Oil Disaster by consulting with “Waterworld” star Kevin Costner and “Titanic” director James Cameron, we figured: why stop there?

Obama’s Slick Helpers
By Asher Embry

With Cameron and Costner, O’s started a list
Of off-the-wall big shots he’s asked to assist.

There are Beau and Jeff Bridges of Sea Hunt renown;
The Perfect Storm crew (although all of them drown).
Captain Ahab, of course, since he stalked Moby Dick
Would be perfectly suited to tame this oil slick.

Obama gets help keeping BP in check
With Ken Salazar putting Das Boot on their neck.
And if BP’s next cap-and-recovery plan fails
Will O call Captain Bligh with his cat-o’-nine-tails?

Then there’s Captain Jack Sparrow and young Nemo too.
The actors from Lost now have nothing to do.
Love Boat’s Isaac and Gopher and Stubing and Doc
(Whose maritime skill’s surely nothing to mock).
Both Scheider and Dreyfuss could help in the fight
With the lessons they learned when they chased that Great White.

That’s a start, though we’re certain there’s still plenty more;
Just be thankful O never consulted Al Gore.

Though Obama insists that his head’s in the game,
It clear he’s most focused on shifting the blame.
But maybe the threat’s not as bad as we feared
Since the future’s now bright: Eric Holder’s appeared.

Copyright 2010 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Rahm Blagojevich

Obama's excuse for his Chicago-style hit on Joe Sestak: Clinton did it (and, anyway, everyone does it).
Rod Blagojevich must be the happiest man in America today. No less than the White House Counsel laid out the case that Blago (and Rahm) did nothing wrong. Did Blago,’s bag man have the same “unimpeachable” reputation for truthfulness and integrity as did Rahm’s?

Rahm Blagojevich

By Asher Embry

It’s not since Rod Blagojevich
That we’ve been served a fib so rich.
Each anecdote we’re asked to parse
Makes clear Rahm’s tale’s a massive farce.
If you still think this whopper’s true,
Recall Lewinsky’s dress of blue.

Copyright 2010
Gaffe Czar, LLC