Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Obama's Salt, Too

Obama’s Food and Drug Administration plans this year to impose legal limits on the amount of salt allowed in food products. Nanny Barack might want to check again the list of the top-10,000 problems facing the world.

Obama's Salt, Too
By Asher Embry

Obama’s nanny FDA
Is set to take our salt away.

Popcorn, pretzels, Ranch Doritos,
Triscuits, Pringles, Crunchy Cheetos;
Any snack from Grandma Utz;
Almonds, pecans, cashew nuts,
Ruffles, Saltines, aged Slim Jims,
Pickles, Margarita rims.

Barack will wage an all out war
On all these food that we adore.
When his paternalism’s won -
Arugula for everyone.

The Mullahs nearly have the Bomb.
About that O’s relaxed and calm.
The threat Barack instead attacks?
Our most beloved salty snacks.

Our salt is gone, but O still gets
The fix he sneaks from cigarettes.

Copyright 2010
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Friday, April 16, 2010

ObamaCare and the Pottery Barn Rule

Ever since Colin Powell’s carefully timed endorsement of Barack Obama two weeks before the Presidential election, the two appear to have a special bond. We wonder if Colin gave Barack any political advice about ObamaCare (maybe that the Obama corollary to the Pottery Barn Rule – you break it, Bush did it - would no longer work).

ObamaCare and the Pottery Barn Rule
By Asher Embry

Obama got an extra lift when Colin said he rocked.
Perhaps before ObamaCare those two admirers talked.
Did Powell warn with sage advice, though O sure must have known it;
His famous rule for pottery: you break it then you own it?

Copyright 2010 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Obama’s Axis of "Outliers"

“Outliers” is Obama’s newest foreign policy euphemism (enemies who don’t comply with the Non-Proliferation Treaty, the “NPT”). Now that “outliers” Iran and North Korea are no longer in the “Axis of Evil” we certainly wouldn’t think of imposing “crippling” sanctions on them.

Obama’s Axis of "Outliers"
By Asher Embry

O’s put an end to Bush’s praxis;
He’ll never utter “evil axis.”

"Outliers" doesn’t ring the same.
An enemy should have a name
That conjures up a firestorm;
Not: “those who lie outside the norm.”

O always wants the world to please
So we are stuck with legalese;
He'll see who are our enemies
By checking out their NPT’s.

Copyright 2010 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Barack: Nuclear Naïf

Barack: Nuclear Naïf
By Asher Embry

There once was a naïf named Obama
Who’s caused our defense grievous trauma.
He crowed: “I am now able
To take nukes off the table
‘Cause I’ll shield you from harm with my Karma.”

Copyright 2010
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Barack Throws Wild

In sport, as in politics, our Dribbler-in-Chief does not want for self-confidence or self-esteem. His desire to show us his prowess as an athlete and sports analyst is matched only by his ubiquity (March Madness brackets, his halftime POTUS comeback during the Butler game, even catching a Drew Brees pass in a Super Bowl public service announcement). As they say: “Sports is a metaphor...”

Barack Throws Wild
By Asher Embry

Our First Fan’s always shown support
For anything involving sport.
At each big sports event this year
Barack would Zelig-like appear.

So, no surprise, he had an itch
To throw the Nationals’ first pitch.
And so this afternoon we found
Barack Obama on the mound.

Just like the health care law he plied,
His pitch was reckless, high and wide.

Copyright 2010
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Coal to Newcastle

If Obama needed to be in Boston for two DNC fundraisers on April 1, why did he go to Maine to give his ObamaCare sales pitch that day instead of making the speech in Massachusetts where they’ve already met the enemy and it is RomneyCare?

Coal to Newcastle
By Asher Embry

Obama goes to Maine today to sell ObamaCare.
He had to be in Boston but he couldn’t do it there.
The Bay State’s healthcare’s waning and its costs and budgets grow
So O could never sell them the calamity they know.

Copyright 2010
Gaffe Czar, LLC