Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Guzzling Fuel and Wasting Time

The weight of the world rests on President Obama’s shoulders – and Oprah’s and Michelle’s: what can they do to make sure the 2016 Summer Olympics come to Chicago? Not to worry, all the lesser problems - Iran’s nuclear threat, the Afghanistan war, terrorism, the economy, health care “reform” – will sort themselves out on their own.

Guzzling Fuel and Wasting Time

By Asher Embry

McCrystal from Afghanistan can’t get him on the phone;
But O has time to spare for an Olympics bid to hone.
It’s not distracting; just a trip to Denmark for one day,
Then O goes back to Washington in time for golf on Sunday.

Don’t worry as Iran progresses down its deadly course,
O’s focused like a laser on the gymnasts’ pommel horse.
Forget about his health care threats, or soaring unemployment;
Instead, he’ll use his influence for hometown fan’s enjoyment.

No vote before the deadline for next year’s appropriations;
Yet O devotes attention to ‘16’s Parade of Nations.
He hasn’t figured Gitmo out; al Qaeda’s still a threat;
He’s wondering where – in seven years – to place the Ping Pong net.

Barack’s approach, as always: indecision and delay.
He thinks if he ignores a problem it’ll go away.
Dithering and dawdling are O’s favored paradigm;
Jetting off to Denmark, guzzling fuel and wasting time.

It must be fun for O to play with world celebrities;
Perhaps its time to reevaluate priorities.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Monday, September 28, 2009

Mmm, mmm, mm!

The oblivious school teachers and administrators still see nothing wrong with what they did. The Obamatron echo chamber doesn’t even understand what the “whining fuss” is about. The rest of us who saw the B. Bernice Young Elementary School performance went from queasy to incredulous to infuriated even before the 7-year-olds sweetly exhorted us that “He said that all must lend a hand to make this country strong again.” How can anyone not be repulsed?

Mmm, mmm, mm!
By Asher Embry

Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama.

A creepy abnormality,
This cult of personality.
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama.

What lunatic would think it’s fine
To do this to a child of mine.
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama.

Do teachers have so little sense
To think we wouldn’t take offense?
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama.

We don’t recall schools try to push
A song like this ‘bout either Bush.
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama.

Think maybe now we weren’t such “fools”
To try to block O’s speech to schools?
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama.

Copyright 2009 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Maya, Malia … Whatever

Everyone assumes the big news from Sunday’s TV Barackathon was the President’s false and condescending statements that there are no middle class tax increases which fund ObamaCare (proving, yet again, he hasn’t read the ObamaCare bills). In fact, the biggest news was made during his interview with CNN wherein he called his daughter, Malia, by the wrong name, Maya. He then proceeded to spend the afternoon with buddies on the golf course.

Maya, Malia … Whatever
By Asher Embry

We oughta know our children’s names; it’s something we should do.
And if Barack stopped playing golf, he’d know his own two, too.

(And gander at McChrystal’s grave Afghanistan review.)

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Ballad of Hannah and James

"Pimp and Prostitute" James O'Keefe and Hannah Giles prove Sarah Palin wrong: it seems community organizers are nothing like small-town mayors.

The Ballad of Hannah and James

By Asher Embry

These two young heroes on their own
Got proof of what we’ve always known.
That “organizers” far and wide
Quite often have a seamy side.

They thought of ACORN first, quite natch’;
From that their plan began to hatch.
And then the duo slyly took
A page from Saul Alinsky’s book.
With silly duds; a yarn to match;
They went to see what crooks they’d catch.

ACORN “helps” the destitute;
But hugged this “pimp and prostitute.”
Advised them to defraud and cheat;
(The “system’s” but a game to beat.)
Not troubled even when they’re told
Of teenage sex slaves bought and sold!

They did goliath work, these two.
They did what Democrats won’t do.

But Charlie Gibson said it best
For ABC and all the rest
Who evidently didn’t hear
Or if they did, they couldn’t care.

Now - though many still defend
And ACORN fights until the end -
It’s hard for Congress to ignore
Appropriations for a whore.

So James and Hannah made us wise
‘Bout what it means to organize.
Perps and media better hide -
This clever pair is on our side!

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Giving ObamaCare The Finger

A 65 year old ObamaCare opponent, William Rice, had his pinky bitten off by an irate supporter of the Government-run healthcare option during a heated altercation at a MoveOn.org rally in Thousand Oaks, California.

Giving ObamaCare The Finge
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By Asher Embry

Bill Rice rejects ObamaCare with more than just a sign.
He had 10 fingers going in and now has only nine.

The culprit, from MoveOn.org, bit more than he could chew.
Their message: Cross Obama and they’ll do the same to you.

Old Bill can send a strong reply; it’s really quite a zinger.
To show how much he really cares: Just give Barack the finger.

Copyright 2009 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Mr. O’s Classroom

President Obama, our part time teacher-in-chief, is back in his element and not even pre-K toddlers are safe from his teachable moment.

Mr. O’s Classroom
(apologies to the great Sam Cooke)
By Asher Embry

Won’t learn much about history.
Won’t learn much biology.
But they’re gonna get ta hear a talk
From their Substitute, who’s named Barack,
‘Bout the wonderful world this could be.

Will he lecture on ObamaCare?
“Angry Mobs” of which kids should beware?
Spew some “facts” from climate savior Gore?
‘Splain his bringing Gitmo thugs ashore?

Should he show them what a trillion buys?
Will he teach them to apologize?
Judging lawsuits based on empathy?
Using words from Van’s vocab’lary?

How to demonize the CIA?
Ignore Iran and it will go away?
2 Tril. in deficits Obama missed;
Bet algebra’s not on his subject list.

If “O” teaches kids to scream and shout
When their Doc says “take those tonsils out,”
What a wonderful world this would be.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Gored By Bull

More and more shortcomings, and downright hazards, of compact fluorescent light bulbs keep appearing (lighting designer Howard Brandston recently related some of the more annoying practical problems in the Wall Street Journal). Rasmussen found a whopping 18% of Americans think the government should tell us what light bulbs to use; yet the Gore/Waxman/Markey push for more government mandates in legislation and regulation marches on. Al Gore is no Romeo, and Henry Waxman is certainly no Juliet!

Gored By Bull
By Asher Embry

What bulb in yonder fixture breaks?
The mercury inside it makes
A toxic mess upon your floor
Which you can simply not ignore.
So you must call the EPA,
To cart those deadly shards away.

And if you get the bulbs to work,
They may last minutes ‘cause a quirk
An engineer chose not to fix
Because the global politics
Demanded green bulbs way too fast
Regardless of how long they’d last.

The moral here is plain to see.
This climate change hypocrisy,
Imposing Al Gore’s twisted view
Of what we should and shouldn’t do.
Though claiming righteous benefit,
These bulbs don’t really save a whit.

Misguided legislation thrives.
It won’t improve our daily lives.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC