Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Tummy Tuck Tax

Treasury Department economic advisor Gene Sperling suggested, and the Senate Finance Committee staff has discussed, funding health care “reform” by imposing an excise tax on “medically unnecessary” cosmetic surgery.

Tummy Tuck Tax
By Asher Embry

If Eugene Sperling has his way
We’d better get botoxed today.
For soon enough we could be taxed
When lipo’d or bikini waxed.
And if our tummy’s tucked away
Our government will make us pay.

Our snout, which we had hoped to fix,
Is now ensnared in politics.
Does our planned rhino surgery
Repair an abnormality;
Or is it just a luxury
For which we’ll owe the Treasury?

Just don’t be shocked if our tongues wag
When V.P. Biden starts to sag.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Biden Mocks Putin

Is there any politician less well suited to diplomatic pronouncements than self-proclaimed “foreign policy expert” Joe Biden (as was sadly on display in his recent Wall Street Journal interview about US-Russia relations)? Have his gaffes – previously just innocuous and pathetic – now turned dangerous?

Biden Mocks Putin
By Asher Embry

Gaffes all the time, does “Clueless Joe”
He’s mostly harmless, this we know.
But what once seemed hilarious
Has turned to deadly serious.

In Biden’s recent blithering,
He said that Russia’s “withering”.
Then started taunting Putin and
He said we hold the upper hand.

Though we may really think that way,
It’s hardly something we would say.

It’s not the wisest strategy
To mock a former KGB,
Or Vladimir, Joe’ll surely give,
Excuse to be provocative.

We’re fortunate the Lord did bless
Our VP with profound finesse.
(Took Hillary to clean his mess.)

Joe needs to learn to “calibrate”
His comments, not just simply state
Each thought that jumps inside his head.
It’s best to think it through instead.
(A lesson not just meant for Joe;
Last week, Gates taught the same to “O”.)

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Sunday, July 26, 2009

No Obama Apology

Not apologizing for his crystal clear charge that Sergeant James Crowley and the Cambridge Police Department "acted stupidly,” Obama today said: “In my choice of words, I unfortunately gave the impression that I was maligning” them.

No Obama Apology
By Asher Embry

As O has gone around the world
Apologies he’s often hurled.
Ashamed of things he thinks we’ve done;
Expressed regrets to everyone.

But when the guilty one is him
No “pardon” goes to Sergeant Jim.
Says Cambridge cops act "stupidly”
A word not meant “maligning”-ly.

And what of Skip’s false charge of race
Does O think Gates behaved off base?
Perhaps it should have tipped Obama
That Gates made taunts at Crowley’s mama.

A “teaching moment” this might be;
Which O could use much more than we.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Chicago-Style

Four days after CBO Chief Doug Elmendorf’s cost analysis torpedoed the central argument supporting Democrats’ health care plans, he was invited for a casual (and highly unusual) “discussion” with Obama at the White House.

Chicago-Style

By Asher Embry

Obama Monday chose to throw
A party for the CBO.
A casual affair was that
A few close friends to “chew the fat.”
(There’s surely nothing wrong with that.)

Doug Elmendorf could not refuse
The chance to sit with O and schmooze
And talk of kids and “Honest Teas”
And other mundane pleasantries.
(And not a word ‘bout broken knees.)

And, yes, the talk soon got around
To health care and the costs Doug found.
Obama asked to hear his views
Perhaps he’d missed them in the news.
(Hey, wait; could this have been a ruse?)

We know O’s plan is looking grim;
But summon Doug to lean on him?
Un-Presidential, crude, and vile
To still behave Chicago-style.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Rationing Life?

When President Obama talks about health care savings, he stresses the conversation we need to have about “end of life” choices. You do the math.

Rationing Life?
By Asher Embry

“End of life” choices, euphemistically used,
Just means that the elderly’s care is refused.

That Bypass we need, who’ll decide if we’re able?
Not our Doc. It’s the actuarial table.
And Barack thinks our Grandpa acts piggish if he
Seeks relief from his pain by replacing his knee.

O insists if we’re old we’ll most likely confuse
All the “end of life” options from which we can choose.
So he’ll mandate a bureaucrat comes for a chat
And he’s hoping we’ll come to our senses and that
We’ll forego old age health care and won’t give a yelp
When they say: “We’re the government, how can we help?”

Barack thought no-one’d notice the “savings” they boast
Means that old folks stay healthy or else they are toast.

Copyright 2009 Gaffe Czar, LLC

Monday, July 20, 2009

Space Duty

One of the two toilets on the international space station broke down on Sunday, July 19, 2009 (with more astronauts than ever before – 13 in all – aboard). On the eve of the 40th anniversary of man's first landing on the moon, a Belgian and an American bravely suited up in goggles, masks, and gloves to attempt the repairs.

Space Duty
By Asher Embry

Just one toilet remains.
“Rocket scientist” brains
Now are forced to repair
That important spot where
Everyone in the place
Does their business in space.

A crowd of 13’s all it takes;
And, sure enough, the toilet breaks.

And as everyone knows,
When the head overflows
Best just put up a sign
And get set for a line.

Things have sure gotten rough
Just to show “The Right Stuff.”
It’s “one small step for man”
When repairing the can.

It’s really a hero
(When gravity’s zero)
Who puts tight goggles on
And tries fixing the john.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Leaker for the Speaker?

What a coincidence! The now-canceled CIA idea for an “assassination plan” became public less than three weeks after House Democrats were briefed, although it apparently had remained secret since September 2001. Clearly, protecting the American people is less of a priority than protecting Speaker Pelosi’s political viability.

Leaker for the Speaker?
By Asher Embry

Seems the spooks had the germ of a plan:
Kill Osama near Afghanistan.
Told Schakowsky and Reyes
And within 18 days
To the Times it’d been leaked and it ran.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Thursday, July 9, 2009

What’s the Rush(more)?

Are they really already ready to add Barack to our greatest Presidents on Mount Rushmore!

What’s the Rush(more)?
By Asher Embry

Washington and Jefferson and Roosevelt and Lincoln.
Those who’d put Obama there, whatever are they drinkin’?
Just six months in, his “leadership accomplishments” they’re hailin’.
Not us. The one we’re waitin’ for? You betcha: Sarah Palin!

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Trusting Medvedev

It is easy to reach agreement if you only discuss things on which you agree.

Trusting Medvedev
By Asher Embry

“I trust President Medvedev,” Barack firmly states.
And we’ve seen O’s a great judge of character traits.
As with Bill Ayers and Rezko and Reverend Wright, too,
Can we doubt O’s assessment of Dmitri rings true?

It’s scary indeed what they haven’t discussed
In the midst of this orgy of friendship and trust.
While he lectures at Putin, O’s fans must acknowledge,
He’s as green and na├»ve as he was when in college.

As he’s boosting the Russians to leadership roles
He abandons our allies, the Czechs and the Poles.
Our nukes, and the Russians’, reduced just on whims,
But there’s barely a peep ‘bout Iranians’ or Kim’s.
And, perchance, might he harness his awesome persuasion
To shift the talks back to the Georgia invasion?

“Reset” our relations? There’s a rule O must heed:
Address only things to which Putin’s agreed.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Our New Diplomat?

Speculation that Clinton apologist Sidney Blumenthal will join Hillary’s State Department team may bring inquiry about the statute of limitations for spreading disinformation about Monica Lewinsky. Is this hiring a sign that the Obama Administration is rethinking its foreign policy strategy of apology and appeasement and adding loathsome propagandists to its diplomatic ranks? Does it mean that Ahmedinejad and Kim have reached “Kenneth Starr” villain status?

Our New Diplomat?
By Asher Embry

Is there no better diplomat
Than Sidney, who insisted that
Lewinsky, who his boss defiled,
Was “stalking” Clinton all the while?

In statesmanship, precisely what’s
Equivalent to “nuts and sluts?”
That pretext, Sid had oft implored,
Would save the Prez he so adored.

How grand that State would hire Sid
Because the shady tricks he did.
No better statement there could be
To show the “world community”
They’re judging young Barack all wrong.
He isn’t weak, he’s really strong:
He’s finished with apologies;
Moved on to Sid’s mendacities.

Could this be true? The answer’s “nope.”
But we can always pray and “hope.”

Copyright 2009 Gaffe Czar, LLC