Monday, June 29, 2009

Obama’s New “Undisclosed Location”

Through swine flu, turmoil in Iran, North Korea’s nuclear threats, Father’s Day, and the Honduran coup, the constant has been President Obama’s Sunday jaunt for golf.

Obama’s New “Undisclosed Location”
By Asher Embry

When crisis hits our troubled world, Barack knows what to do.
They’re cracking down in Tehran; in Honduras there’s a coup.
O’s whisked off by the Secret Service; we know where he’ll be:
He’s at his “undisclosed location” at the 14th tee.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Obama, Grifter

Whether it is three card monte, Lookie-Loo, the pigeon drop, or any of the other world-famous cons, the keys to success are speed, confusion, charm, and a smooth and distracting spiel. Is the Obama legislative strategy an enormous taxpayer grift?

Obama, Grifter
By Asher Embry

Obama’s urging once again that Congress act too fast.
You’d think they’d learned a lesson when the Stimulus was passed.
But no, before they even read a bill it’s passed and signed.
Barack’s now made it de rigueur, this legislating blind.

So legislation through the halls of Congress blithely hurtles,
Bestowing funds from “Stimulus” for jogging paths for turtles.
We’re finding out, months later, it’s exactly as we thought,
Few knew what lovely “gifts” our hard-earned money really bought.

And now Judge Sotomayor’s hearing’s scheduled much too soon;
There’s barely time to analyze the fervid path she’s hewn.
The bills which tax our use of power are also rushing through;
They're still collating pages so who knows just what they do?
And health care change is on the way, few details yet, alas.
No matter, says Obama, we just need a bill to pass.

We worry how health care’s reformed; it’s really life and death.
We’d love to know they’ve thought this through; took time to take a breath.
The hints we get dishearten, there’s the cost and so much more:
Just what exactly is their “Health Choices Commissioner” for?

“O” learned with bumper stickers, simple slogans are the best;
No need to take positions when you’re just a Rorschach test.
But governing is different, you’re supposed to have a plan;
Not simply “Hope” or “Change” or that most putrid, “Yes We Can.”

So far that’s all we’re getting, though, their slogan legislation.
The reason, crass and cynical: “O’s” smooth manipulation.
It’s easier to pass a bill if you refuse to say
Exactly what it’s going to do or how you’re going to pay.

The con man knows the key to the deception in his grift
Is making sure he keeps it moving, always deft and swift.
So “O” and Ax and Rahm will keep on pushing fast and loose
Unless - until - we stand and say “no more” to this abuse.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Our July 4th Guests?

Despite being “appalled and outraged by the threats, the beatings and imprisonments" in Tehran, it appears that President Obama still welcomes representatives of the Iranian regime at our embassies’ Independence Day celebrations.

Our July 4th Guests?
By Asher Embry

A few days hence we celebrate
Our independence, declared that date.
Those truths we found self-evident,
The essence of what makes us great.

How can we be so cavalier
On that of all days of the year
To let Khamenei’s thugs appear
And join us for our brats and beer?

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

“Putting Obama First”

President Obama’s reaction to Iranian protests demonstrated his “Third Way” political philosophy of “Putting Obama First.”

“Putting Obama First”
By Asher Embry

Obama’s mumbling on Iran was, sadly, as expected.
It showed his core philosophy is just as we suspected.
Not speaking out against Iran’s suppression at its worst
Just proves his guiding principle is: “Put Obama First.”

The problem was these protests put in jeopardy his dream,
To sit down face to face with Tehran’s leadership supreme.
And then he’d work his magic and convince them with his charm
To give up nukes and terror and to otherwise disarm.
The world would then revere Barack, they’d celebrate his name.
Without Barack to save us, we would never be the same.
Though no one else could tame Iran, Obama got it done.
And then we’d finally all admit: he really is “the One.”

But now that dream was waning as the freedom protests grew.
Faced with disappointment, what’s a megalomaniac to do?

That’s why O issued statements which were tepid, soft and late.
Pronounced he was excited seeing “vigorous debate.”
He didn’t want to jeopardize his chance to sit for tea
With Mahmoud Ahmadinejad; persuade him to agree.

There’s no other explanation for ignoring freedom’s cry.
We’ve always stood with democrats and never questioned why.

Some will say “O” played it right; not “meddling’s” smart and knowing.
Many say it’s just his inexperience which is showing.
They hate to say “we told you so,” reminding as they grouse:
He never had these problems in the Illinois State House.
They point to Putin’s move invading Georgia, with a fight;
It took “O” several days and tries to get his statement right.
Best case – his incompetence – gets the benefit of the doubt,
But please don’t rashly rule the “messianic” theory out.

We fear he’d still be mute today if polling didn’t find
His interest and the rest of ours had thankfully aligned.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Another Day, Another Czar

The President will name a “Pay Czar.” A pay czar! Enough already with the unelected, unconfirmed, unaccountable czars. With all these czars, has the Cabinet become the Siberia of the Obama administration?

Another Day, Another Czar
By Asher Embry

Barack will name a “Czar for Pay;”
Another czar, another day.

There’s one for cars and one for drugs;
And one who’ll look for cyber-bugs.
A czar for nationalizing health;
One czar makes bankers share their wealth.
One’s focused on the wars we fight;
Another combats urban blight.
A czar for secrets, spooks and spies,
A czar for spending waste and lies;
One czar considers immigration;
One expanded regulation.
A czar who TARP funds oversees,
A czar to find efficiencies;
One czar will turn our country “green;”
Another keeps Great Lakes pristine.

There’re others still we barely know;
Are more to come? We sure hope so!

We need a czar for empathy;
And every Gitmo detainee.
A czar for strawman arguments
And moral equivalence;
A czar for symbols, one for staging;
Unilateral disengaging;
A czar to speed-read Waxman’s bills;
A czar for pundits’ leg-felt thrills;
A “date night” czar; and one perhaps;
For Larry Summers’ rants and naps;
A czar to make sure “life is fair;”
A czar for Biden’s gaffes and hair;
A czar for Rahm’s oft-hidden charm,
And Axelrod’s relentless smarm.
One czar, Obama’s smokes will nix,
Not so his adulation fix.
A czar to make apologies;
One more for making more of these.

This all may seen ridiculous;
But czars are quite insidious.
They’re crucial as Obama tries
To fundamentally change our lives.
Their fiefdoms are a wasteful lark,
Designed to keep us in the dark,
As monumental change occurs
All cloistered from our strong demurrers.
The reason we must make this fuss:
They’re not accountable to us.

We all should thank our lucky stars,
“O” hasn’t named a Czar for czars.

Copyright 2009
Gaffe Czar, LLC

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Another Obama Apology Tour

Previewing his overseas trip (and his much-touted Cairo University speech) to the BBC, President Obama made clear he has more apologizing left to do. Will he still be making apologies when he ends his trip in Buchenwald and Normandy commemorating the lives lost as a result of Hitler’s atrocities?

Another Obama Apology Tour
By Asher Embry

Obama told the BBC,
We’re treading very dangerously.
America just can’t “impose
[Our] values” forcibly on those
With different cultures, history
Within the “world community.”

Is this the message of his speech
In Cairo, where he’ll bow and preach?
We’ll change our ways to help assuage
The justifiable Muslim rage.
Still more U.S. self-flagellation
To fan Obama adulation;
In search of unrealistic ends -
That terrorists become our friends.

Then on to where the Nazi’s lost;
Where they unleashed their holocaust.
Our soldiers answered nobly
The call to vanquish tyranny.
We hope he won’t apologize
At Buchenwald, but recognize
Our values led to action then.
Lest history repeat again.

Copyright 2009 Gaffe Czar, LLC